Imagine I’m a Greedy Hedge Fund Manager… (2021 Update)

Friendly Hedge Fund Manager

Imagine I’m a greedy Hedge Fund manager. I’m sitting down with my army of tax attorney’s.  “The Trump-era tax rates will be expiring because you know Orange man bad. Now, how can I minimize the tax bite so I can buy another 134 foot yacht”, I ask.?

First, starting January 1st, I will only pay myself $150K for tax year 2021. That way when I get my fat-ass management fee check of $1.9 trillion dollars I’ll only have to pay an effective capital gains tax of 25%, better than God knows what % income tax the AOC’s of the world think is my “fair share”, and by the way I just moved to Florida because the blue State I just fleed sucked so state income tax need not apply.  Thanks carried interest!  I then systematically invest the remainder (after tax) in stocks and muni bonds. No tax on the interest on the munis and no capital gains tax on the stock because I’m a buy and hold type of guy (Gamestonks!!!). See, I’m not going to sit by and pay anymore than I have to, especially to the government.  Fuck those guys I own them. Oh and for those of you that think we’ll get it in an estate tax divestment, you know that non-profit charity I set up to feed starving African babies and give single mothers of Bangladesh a micro-finance loan (think Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation)?  They’re the trustee to a trust I set up for my girls.  I will effectively be worth ~$0.00 (translation: jack-shit) when I pass. So, take that you pompous self-righteous, player-hating, liberal-asshole socialist!  You ain’t getting shit.

Love,

A Hedge Fund Oligarch

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