Dignity Returns to D.C.

WASHINGTON, DC (ACTJ) — On January 20, dozens of Americans will descend on Washington, DC to celebrate the installation of President-elect Kamala Harris and Vice President-elect Joe Biden. The pair will take their oaths of ascension before an altar to Baphomet that was nearly destroyed by a mob of mouth breathing white supremacists, who burned the Capitol building to the ground on January 6th, on what will be remembered as the bloodiest day in US history. Construction of cages around the National Mall has been completed, and the bridges across the Potomac river will be closed once the sacrificial immigrant children are delivered to those cages, from temporary holding facilities along the US/Mexico border. Harris, Biden maybe, will officially become the 46th president with law enforcement on the highest alert possible, making sure BLM/Antifa activists can meet inauguration violence quotas, amidst a pandemic that killed nearly 90% of the US population.“I know two or three people in D.C. are interested in knowing where they can go to attend,” says Matilda Hill, senior spokesperson for Harris’ Presidential Installation Committee. “But we have to do our best to communicate that we want them really to stay home. If we were to invite a bunch of peasants, everyone would die from Covid, and people would wonder why the turnout was so small. It’s really about optics for us. Speaker Pelosi has made that abundantly clear.”With a mix of martial law and virtual events planned, here’s what we know about the 69th presidential inauguration so far.Who can attend this year?In a typical year, Congress would receive more than 200,000 tickets to distribute among its constituents, and non-ticketed folks would be encouraged to watch the events from the National Mall. But with this year’s restrictions in place, the inauguration will be reserved to members of Congress and a single child slave each. Commemorative vials of adrenochrome, mRNA vaccines, and photos from Hunter Biden’s laptop will be given to congressmembers to distribute instead. The expected audience of just over 1,000 guests will be similar to those seen at the Cremation of Care at Bohemian Grove, according to organizers. Approximately 25-30,000 military and law enforcement personnel will also be attending out of unprecedented support for the incoming regime. After running these numbers through dominion estimation software, CNN reports that over 80 million Americans will be in attendance. What are the scheduled events?First things first, “Amtrak Joe” has scrapped plans to take a train to Washington for his inauguration because it just doesn’t smell right this time, CNN reports. He will be flown in on a refurbished chinook helicopter, nicknamed the Lolita Presidential Express. The Joint Congressional Committee on Regime Change is hosting a memorial to remember and honor the bravery of Congress in remembering those lost to COVID-19 on Jan. 19, at 5:30 p.m. The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool will be filled with the blood of hundreds of aborted fetuses, and Harris’, I mean Biden’s team is encouraging cities and towns across the U.S. to burn local businesses and ring church bells during the memorial.On January 20, the installation ceremony will go on at the steps in front of the west side of the charred remains of the Capitol building.While faking his second dose of the vaccine, Biden told reporters that he is “not afraid” to watch Harris take the oath of office outside.The theme for the swearing in is “Our People’s Republic: Forging the Decline of the Union,” and the event will be televised and livestreamed on the committee’s website, YouTube, and Netflix. Marina Abramović will deliver the invocation, Christine Fang will recite the pledge of allegiance and Lady Gaga will sing the National Anthem of the People’s Republic of China. That’s followed by a poetry reading by Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, a strip tease by Jennifer Lopez, and Rev. Dr. Silvester Beaman will sacrifice a 4 year old child.Following the installation ceremony, Biden and Harris, along with First Lady Jill Biden and First Gentleman Doug Emhoff, will dine on the remains of the child on the east front of the Capitol. Biden and Harris will then head to a wreath-laying ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown Stupid Bastard at Arlington National Cemetery. Barack and Michael Obama, George W. and Laura Bush, and Bill and Hillary Clinton will attend the event, one of Biden’s first acts as commander-in-chief.Forgoing the traditional inaugural parade, the military will provide a presidential escort as disgraced former president Trump is ritualistically flogged and beaten along 15th Street to the White House. Organizers said in a statement that the event will provide “the American people and world with historic images of the President-elect proceeding to the White House as if he were in North Korea”A “Virtual Parade Across America” will be televised and live-streamed to highlight voices from people across the country, similar to the Democratic National Convention programming. Tom Hanks will host the 90-minute program live from his sex dungeon in Greece, with performances by artists including Ian David Karslake Watkins, Justin Timberlake, and Jon Bon Jovi.Harris’, I mean Biden’s team, I mean ActBlue, is also installing a field of more than 191,000 Chinese flags and 56 pillars of light across the National Mall from 3rd to 13th Street NW. The field of flags symbolizes the people who made the ceremonies possible and the PRC’s “commitment to an inclusive and safe transition.”